Desmond Cannot Sleep

He sneaks into the living room to get some water.
He shares that he cannot sleep.
I take him in my arms and play with his hair
soon his breathing slows
he falls into what all boys should dream
the slumber from love.
I feel this boy's love all around me
as I commit this moment to memory.

Be Brave

Poetry has been in my soul since childhood.
It is in my blood.
 I feel this impulse to write.
I feel this need to share the pictures that are in the forest.
I have never been one to take the easy road.
I had to learn my lessons from hard knocks.
Still, I see the silver lining.

I see what poets see, the clouds and daffodils.
I feel the weight of air.
I know that I have to share.
These emotions from my wellspring.
It's an obsession of the youngest nature.

I go there in my mind.
I picture an event, a time
and I must most certainly rhyme
like the strokes of a typewriter.
The sound of the keys clacking out thoughts.

I strike them and write as furiously as I can, spelling all of the words correctly.
I have a talent and I have to own it.
There is more to me then unrequited life.
There are people who love me unconditionally.

They help me be brave.
They share my story.
They taught me to be me.

Now, I am not lost in the sadness, like Anne Sexton.

She is my ghost.
She takes me back to the night we met.
When the night was so bright.
Your eyes upon mine.
When before we met.
How did I lose you?
Why did I show my spots and found out you were stripes.

Everything is up for interpretation.
I cannot be blamed for the decisions you make in your life.
I will not change the names just to keep you safe.
This happened, you fell in love. They fell in love.
We ended it.

It does not matter the circumstance.
I am no longer ashamed of my secrets.
I will shout out the most beautiful poetry
You will know that I am alive.
I am important.
You loved me.

You fell so hard.
The self-confidence was intoxicating.
You knew the moment you met.
Then you lived your life together.
The gravity of your desire
rooting you to the ground.
You created life and live your creative life, to the fullest.
You are brave.


I  just gazed on a hummingbird.
I saved that picture of your hand
with a hummingbird.
It is only because, I don't want to forget you.
I want to still go to my dream and live.

Where the poetry speaks to me.
My own world where we are shirt lifters and we unite.
Never knowing when lightning strikes, but knowing with you everywhere
life happened.
You were such a shining light and I the moth.
It happened and I am so grateful.
You speak the words that my heart needed to hear.
We can just say, "Eek." as we look at the billboard for, "Bermashave."

There are so many ghosts that want to pay a visit.
My head is full of the memories.
I may die.
So, again, I have to write it down.
Like I am looking at the colored glass
sitting outside waiting for the LSD to pass.


I can see the picture of the light from my room.
Where who knows what is happening in the Monroe house.
I learned to let go in this home.
I learned to be free.
I learned me.
It was what it was and it was a gift.

We were opposites of a coin.
So much alike yet you were a thief.
You liked to take from me. I know I took from you.
We are opposites and I am fine.
You have been out of my life a very long time.


I cannot share with you some of the stories.
It's to painful and I don't want to go there.
Back from over the edge.
There are things that happened in my life that will never be shared.

I was the villian in some stories. I am sorry for that.
I tried to listen to my moral compass,
 but sometimes,
I turn East.
My desire turns so hazy and I am swept up by the typing.
I know that it is a dream, but it fills me with an honest emotion.


I am brave and I can handle everyone looking at me.
You just have to see her
to feel the light.
The light that is a mystery.
Something different for you.

Noah was in Eugene with Vertigo

When you are gone
I paint the darkness with pictures of you in my mind.

At Your return
like the sun
you burn away the canvas
and are reborn in my eyes.

 I will travel the landscape of your inner being
like a tourist I want to know.

My Review of "There, There" by Radiohead.

There, There

By Radiohead. I think that they are one of the best bands in the world. They are certainly one of my favorites. Tom York is a poet and his lyrics touch me in a deep emotional way. He described something that I have tried to explain since I first feel in love. I have been in love with love for as long as I can remember. My favorite love is unrequited. I really become fantastical about love. I believed for so so long that if I liked someone they liked me in return. I honestly thought that when they were alone and in their heart of hearts they thought fantasized about me also, then I heard this song. I grew up in a matter of three minutes. '

I go walking in your landscape. (Fantasy)

Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there. (Boom! Blow my mind!)

Siren singing you to shipwreck (classic unrequited love)

We'd be a walking disaster (You have to tell yourself that because they do not like you in return, You cannot obsess)

Why so green and lonely

so lonely, lonely.   (I mean unrequited loving is lonely business)

Let's end this unrequited love affair with something to hope for if it isn't unrequited.

Heaven sent you to me.

We are accidents waiting to happen.

I mean talk about some amazing lyrics and the music. I have died and gone to heaven myself. This song gets me every time.

In pitch dark
I go walking in your landscape
Broken branches
Trip me as I speak

Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there

There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)
Steer away from these rocks
We'd be a walking disaster
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
(Someone on your shoulder
Someone on your shoulder)
Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
(Someone on your shoulder
Someone on your shoulder)
There there

Why so green and lonely?
And lonely, and lonely?

Heaven sent you to me
To me, to me?

We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen

We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen

Songwriters: Colin Charles Greenwood / Edward John O'brien / Jonathan Richard Guy Greenwood / Philip James Selway / Thomas Edward Yorke

There there. lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

PS: I cannot figure out how to add music to my blog yet. If you have any ideas, please share in the comments. 

Not Goodbye Just Until

You are a liar. 
You are the worst kind of liar. 
You are the kind of liar who said 

everything I wanted to hear.   

I tell myself these things to make

 this rejection feel better. 

I tell myself that you will never think of me.

I won't even have a place in your memory.   

You tell me not to cry, not cry for the loss of you.
But the tears come in random parts of my day.
I feel the wretchedness of what life

will be like without you there.

Yet when we were together 

we were breaking up.
It was like a tiny spark

 that burst into fireworks raining down.
That kind of fleeting love lasts

 such a short time.

I can still picture your face, 

your warm cocoa eyes
and that same sweet smile in every picture.
I ache with the massive sadness

 knowing it really was goodbye.

Just until are the kind words of a lying man.
A man who swept me up in the fantasy.
I am forever a changed woman.

Fireflies in the twilight

This new love came upon me like a lightning flash.
Suddenly, I could smell the freshness of the rainfall and the campfire in the air.
I could feel the warmth of his gaze upon my face, the flush from the blush.
Each time I think of his touch something vibrated inside of me.

A small door was opened.
I thought that my muse had left me forever.
I thought I would never put pen to paper again.
Meeting him made me suddenly brave and comfortable in my own skin.


He felt like home and I could venture and roam, knowing he would always be there.
He would pull me back from the fire. With him, I am safe.
In the soft glow of the light, his arms around me, his arms,
his arms keep me strong. I keep moving forward knowing he is there.
This is marriage.

You were with me, you are with me. You have not gone.
With him the blue skies have returned.
I never believed they would come again.
I thought I had used up all of my tokens.
On the wish.

I look up into the cloudy blue,
knowing that I can see the forest through the trees
and feel that special kind of breeze
that only few know.

With him I am brave but without him I am brave also.
I can stand on my own two feet.
I take care of myself.
I write.

Thank you for that...

Running on the Backroads.

I want to run.
I want to run as far and for as long as I can.
 Listening to music as it sets the rhythm to my heart.
 My feet pound the blacktop to the bridge in the Texas heat.
I could feel my lungs expanding from this breath of fresh air.
I cannot stop.
I don't want to stop.
The cotton clouds lazy in the sleepy pale-blue sky keep me company.

Helpless

Cruelty, self-esteem, not my therapist.

In the back ground, Crosby Stills Nash and Young singing-Hopelessly Wondering.
The rain taps on the window outside my burgundy and gold bedroom.

I am quiet and alone, but I can hear them talking in the other room.

Trying to solve the problem but finding no solution.

We are helplessly hoping as the song begins to play again.
Each with there own vision of the truth. These men who are attempting salvation.
They make it their business. It's not enough to be where you are. It's not enough to make a difference. No one makes a difference. We are one alone. We are two together. We are for each other. Closing our eyes alone but longing to be included. 

Shall We Dance

We meet in the dim light of bars.

This is where we perform the affair.

Acting unaware.

The crowd begin to dance to the tune of our making.

The tune of our harmonious unspoken words.

As the crowd swirls to a frenzy from the electricity we generate; 

I can feel the tingling euphoria in every subtle touch purposefully placed.
 My mind spins from the momentum created by your stare.

This is a fantasy that we both created.

In the golden light of the setting sun, I know the time will come to return. 

In the bar, I catch your eye across the room.
From that one look it is as if I become the sun.
The warmth feels so real.

 I am acting my part and in this love I chose to believe. 

Ex-boyfriend

Our eyes met today.
I quickly looked away.
I didn't want you to see inside of me.
It still hurts
forever,
maybe.

There is more to the poem, but I cannot remember it.
Bryan (Starter Husband) took the poem and made it into a song.
I loved him for that.
I wrote these lines in 92 after my second boyfriend and I broke-up for good.

As, I was driving away from the Monroe house after midnight
The moon was full and I was driving the pinto.
I felt something that I will never be able to describe. I have tried so many times.

I thought of my own lines of poetry as I drove away that night.
My heart was lifted.
I felt free.
I held onto that relationship way to long.
I understand why I did it.
Dat and I had a very special love.
He helped me to become a better person.
I don't regret any of our relationship.
I am stronger.

The Lines

I will travel where the world begins.
Have we all not lived through the eyes of the inventor?
Are we not all inventors?
Investors
Creators
Killers
We are what we are.
I can hear them talking of the present.
Yet, I am still stuck in the past.
Drifting on that plane of consciousness between the whisper of the line that meets the two.