Peter Gabriel Come Talk to Me

We talked today. I could not wait any longer.

 He was receptive for a short time.

I asked the questions that had been prying on my mind.



Honestly, he is focused on his relationship with his wife. As he should be.

I know he wants to keep his family.

In my mind, he is working on it every day.

Living those Fatherly moments and sharing love with the mother of his children.

That is how life should be.



We want to live permanently inside the bubble of love , family continues the marriage.

I see outside looking in, I see the dedication to the relationship.

You make it the focal part of your mind.

Dedicated to this family.

You are honorable and prioritize your important people.

You truly love.

You love, my friend.



There. that is the end.

I will not let you go,

but I will not hold onto you.



You are able to speak the deep thoughts

that speak to me. It's so rare.

It's okay now that I know.

I know that you love someone, who deserves to be loved.

I want you to love her fiercely.


Your life can be filled with adventures

Where the stress of life does not get in the way

of family.



You understand my every word.

You know that this is meant for you.

So Go Now, Sir. Go and love as completely as you can.


Even if it will never be me. I have my own life to live.

Don't feel sad, it's only life after all.

Dreaming In the Focus

Can't I quit you?
I don't want to think about you.
I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to long
for your touch, like Lucinda Williams.
I don't want this at all.

I just lost the thread.
 I had it and I was slowly reading the words like a stockbroker looking at the small paper coming out of a dictograph machine. 

That's right!

I don't want to quit you.
I must.
So, I stuff my ears with headphones

And the music moves in me like a snake.

Sliding up and down my spine in

figure eight ringlets.
 The energy it takes to block 

thoughts of you.

 It's getting easier.

Where my Anger Lives

Disappointment and Fear
are fueling this passionate rant.

I feel vulnerable.
These pathetic exaggerated fears
run crazy circles around my brain.
I will allow myself
to wallow in anger.
It shall be brief.
I will not fall completely apart.

I hate that you started this.
I hate that you emailed me.
I hate that I replied.
I hate that briefly the world shined.

I hate to feel used.
I hate to feel uncertain.
I see you on facebook
and I have to unplug.
I cannot look at your face.
Yet, I find myself going there.
To look.
Just to break my heart.

I don't want to live with the knowlege
this relationship changed me.
You opened something inside
and I am afraid
it will close
without you.
I hate that I miss you.
I hate that I still
wonder what you are doing.
I won't harbor resentment forever
This moment though, I hate you.

The Basketball Man

You've got your fucking little mind trip
to make yourself feel more superior.
I know all about you.
I've seen it many times before,
You have to prove you are a man.

But you don't really understand that there is more to a woman than meets the eye.
To bad you cannot see through my eyes.
You make me sick.
You're always thinking with your dick.
How could a woman be attracted to you.

You use your power and sexual strength to intimidate.
When a woman says, "No." I wonder what you hear.
Do you say, "She really wants it."
Then you feel the crushing blow to your chest.

The hero walks into the bathroom.
She helped ease the tension
She felt something happened

 in
that closet.
Were the floodlights shining in the faces of the people, directly in question?

I saw him a few times after the rape.
It was hell every time.
The last time was the worst.
When MaryAnn and I were on the North Side of Amarillo.
We were buying ingredients.
My wedding was fast approaching.

I just wanted to spend a little
quality time with MaryAnn.
We were releasing the tension.
We were standing in the spice isle.
I turned my head to the right and Rod stood at the opposite end of the isle.
He looked exactly the same.

I ran, mindlessly down another isle looking for the exist.
I was a rat in a maze.
He was blocking my escape.

Mary Ann found me, first.
Her voice, so soothing.
I was at my most vulnerable.
She helped me out of that store.
I have never seen him again.
In my mind, once in awhile the clear image of his face will appear.

I really hope Rod,
gets what's coming to him.
I was 19 years old.
I didn't know anything.
I was ...

VR 1999

Viper

This did not come out of nowhere, our fight.
The timing could not have been more perfect.
You were laying in wait until I was weakened
by my Grandfather's death.
Your kindness caught me off guard and I believed
your held out the hand of sympathy.
Only you striked the tender inside of my wrist
to watch me bleed,
and on my vaunderable emotions you feed.


I am not the victim in this fight.
You will not strike me when I am down.
I get back up and you hit the ground.
To not test a woman who just lost her Grandfather.
I will snap off your fangs with my bare hands.






VR 2002

Exquisite Corpse

Meet me on the other side where as a rose I will wake




Meet me on the other side where as a rose I will wake
turn my face toward the sun and drink in the floral scent of dawn.

Sanity

I felt the cord break today.

I feel free.

I am not responsible for what happens next.

You are fine. You will be fine. 

You don't need my help.

Desmond Cannot Sleep

He sneaks into the living room to get some water.
He shares that he cannot sleep.
I take him in my arms and play with his hair
soon his breathing slows
he falls into what all boys should dream
the slumber from love.
I feel this boy's love all around me
as I commit this moment to memory.

Be Brave

Poetry has been in my soul since childhood.
It is in my blood.
 I feel this impulse to write.
I feel this need to share the pictures that are in the forest.
I have never been one to take the easy road.
I had to learn my lessons from hard knocks.
Still, I see the silver lining.

I see what poets see, the clouds and daffodils.
I feel the weight of air.
I know that I have to share.
These emotions from my wellspring.
It's an obsession of the youngest nature.

I go there in my mind.
I picture an event, a time
and I must most certainly rhyme
like the strokes of a typewriter.
The sound of the keys clacking out thoughts.

I strike them and write as furiously as I can, spelling all of the words correctly.
I have a talent and I have to own it.
There is more to me then unrequited life.
There are people who love me unconditionally.

They help me be brave.
They share my story.
They taught me to be me.

Now, I am not lost in the sadness, like Anne Sexton.

She is my ghost.
She takes me back to the night we met.
When the night was so bright.
Your eyes upon mine.
When before we met.
How did I lose you?
Why did I show my spots and found out you were stripes.

Everything is up for interpretation.
I cannot be blamed for the decisions you make in your life.
I will not change the names just to keep you safe.
This happened, you fell in love. They fell in love.
We ended it.

It does not matter the circumstance.
I am no longer ashamed of my secrets.
I will shout out the most beautiful poetry
You will know that I am alive.
I am important.
You loved me.

You fell so hard.
The self-confidence was intoxicating.
You knew the moment you met.
Then you lived your life together.
The gravity of your desire
rooting you to the ground.
You created life and live your creative life, to the fullest.
You are brave.


I  just gazed on a hummingbird.
I saved that picture of your hand
with a hummingbird.
It is only because, I don't want to forget you.
I want to still go to my dream and live.

Where the poetry speaks to me.
My own world where we are shirt lifters and we unite.
Never knowing when lightning strikes, but knowing with you everywhere
life happened.
You were such a shining light and I the moth.
It happened and I am so grateful.
You speak the words that my heart needed to hear.
We can just say, "Eek." as we look at the billboard for, "Bermashave."

There are so many ghosts that want to pay a visit.
My head is full of the memories.
I may die.
So, again, I have to write it down.
Like I am looking at the colored glass
sitting outside waiting for the LSD to pass.


I can see the picture of the light from my room.
Where who knows what is happening in the Monroe house.
I learned to let go in this home.
I learned to be free.
I learned me.
It was what it was and it was a gift.

We were opposites of a coin.
So much alike yet you were a thief.
You liked to take from me. I know I took from you.
We are opposites and I am fine.
You have been out of my life a very long time.


I cannot share with you some of the stories.
It's to painful and I don't want to go there.
Back from over the edge.
There are things that happened in my life that will never be shared.

I was the villian in some stories. I am sorry for that.
I tried to listen to my moral compass,
 but sometimes,
I turn East.
My desire turns so hazy and I am swept up by the typing.
I know that it is a dream, but it fills me with an honest emotion.


I am brave and I can handle everyone looking at me.
You just have to see her
to feel the light.
The light that is a mystery.
Something different for you.

Noah was in Eugene with Vertigo

When you are gone
I paint the darkness with pictures of you in my mind.

At Your return
like the sun
you burn away the canvas
and are reborn in my eyes.

 I will travel the landscape of your inner being
like a tourist I want to know.

My Review of "There, There" by Radiohead.

There, There

By Radiohead. I think that they are one of the best bands in the world. They are certainly one of my favorites. Tom York is a poet and his lyrics touch me in a deep emotional way. He described something that I have tried to explain since I first feel in love. I have been in love with love for as long as I can remember. My favorite love is unrequited. I really become fantastical about love. I believed for so so long that if I liked someone they liked me in return. I honestly thought that when they were alone and in their heart of hearts they thought fantasized about me also, then I heard this song. I grew up in a matter of three minutes. '

I go walking in your landscape. (Fantasy)

Just 'cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there. (Boom! Blow my mind!)

Siren singing you to shipwreck (classic unrequited love)

We'd be a walking disaster (You have to tell yourself that because they do not like you in return, You cannot obsess)

Why so green and lonely

so lonely, lonely.   (I mean unrequited loving is lonely business)

Let's end this unrequited love affair with something to hope for if it isn't unrequited.

Heaven sent you to me.

We are accidents waiting to happen.

I mean talk about some amazing lyrics and the music. I have died and gone to heaven myself. This song gets me every time.

In pitch dark
I go walking in your landscape
Broken branches
Trip me as I speak

Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there

There's always a siren
Singing you to shipwreck
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)
Steer away from these rocks
We'd be a walking disaster
(Don't reach out, don't reach out
Don't reach out, don't reach out)

Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
(Someone on your shoulder
Someone on your shoulder)
Just 'cause you feel it
Doesn't mean it's there
(Someone on your shoulder
Someone on your shoulder)
There there

Why so green and lonely?
And lonely, and lonely?

Heaven sent you to me
To me, to me?

We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen

We are accidents waiting
Waiting to happen

Songwriters: Colin Charles Greenwood / Edward John O'brien / Jonathan Richard Guy Greenwood / Philip James Selway / Thomas Edward Yorke

There there. lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

PS: I cannot figure out how to add music to my blog yet. If you have any ideas, please share in the comments. 

Not Goodbye Just Until

You are a liar. 
You are the worst kind of liar. 
You are the kind of liar who said 

everything I wanted to hear.   

I tell myself these things to make

 this rejection feel better. 

I tell myself that you will never think of me.

I won't even have a place in your memory.   

You tell me not to cry, not cry for the loss of you.
But the tears come in random parts of my day.
I feel the wretchedness of what life

will be like without you there.

Yet when we were together 

we were breaking up.
It was like a tiny spark

 that burst into fireworks raining down.
That kind of fleeting love lasts

 such a short time.

I can still picture your face, 

your warm cocoa eyes
and that same sweet smile in every picture.
I ache with the massive sadness

 knowing it really was goodbye.

Just until are the kind words of a lying man.
A man who swept me up in the fantasy.
I am forever a changed woman.

Fireflies in the twilight

This new love came upon me like a lightning flash.
Suddenly, I could smell the freshness of the rainfall and the campfire in the air.
I could feel the warmth of his gaze upon my face, the flush from the blush.
Each time I think of his touch something vibrated inside of me.

A small door was opened.
I thought that my muse had left me forever.
I thought I would never put pen to paper again.
Meeting him made me suddenly brave and comfortable in my own skin.


He felt like home and I could venture and roam, knowing he would always be there.
He would pull me back from the fire. With him, I am safe.
In the soft glow of the light, his arms around me, his arms,
his arms keep me strong. I keep moving forward knowing he is there.
This is marriage.

You were with me, you are with me. You have not gone.
With him the blue skies have returned.
I never believed they would come again.
I thought I had used up all of my tokens.
On the wish.

I look up into the cloudy blue,
knowing that I can see the forest through the trees
and feel that special kind of breeze
that only few know.

With him I am brave but without him I am brave also.
I can stand on my own two feet.
I take care of myself.
I write.

Thank you for that...

Running on the Backroads.

I want to run.
I want to run as far and for as long as I can.
 Listening to music as it sets the rhythm to my heart.
 My feet pound the blacktop to the bridge in the Texas heat.
I could feel my lungs expanding from this breath of fresh air.
I cannot stop.
I don't want to stop.
The cotton clouds lazy in the sleepy pale-blue sky keep me company.